A New Year's Revolution

I have just made my New Year's resolution - I would have made more but we're in a recession don't ya know, so I thought I'd better cut back.
So here it is - my resolution.
To only make friends with people poorer or fatter than me.
I completely understand how shallow this may sound, but when you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. By this simple act, my self esteem will soar. And with greater self esteem comes greater confidence. With greater confidence, I will be more eager and receptive to embracing new opportunities. And hopefully, with these new opportunities will come the wealth and pert buttocks I failed to achieve last year (or ever).
And then, being so utterly contented, I will share my happiness and help my poor, fat friends get rich and skinny too. A win, win situation, don't you agree?
I think I may have just started something - but you don't have to thank me. Just pay me.